Posts Tagged ‘safety’

WARNING!!! MISSION RAPIST ON THE LOOSE!!!

December 9, 2011

The police are after a rape suspect right here in The Mish!  I know, super scary, right?

Help us, help you, find the Mission Rapist.  OMGTHEMISH! has exclusive details:

  • Approximately 24-32 year old male
  • 5’9″ to 6’2″
  • Straight dark hair, perfectly schwooped
  • Thin frame
  • Noticeable stubble
  • Dark skinny jeans
  • Black hoodie over plaid button-up
  • Thick plastic-frame glasses/wayfarer sunglasses if it’s sunny
  • Desert/chukka boots
  • Hidden tattoos
  • Pack of American Spirits
  • Messenger bag
  • Fixed-gear bicycle with “rapemobile” decal
Here is an artist’s rendering of the culprit:

He's laughing at you, not with you.

If you see this man or a man who resembles him, point at him and scream “RAPIST!” then run to the nearest bodega and call the police. Do NOT hesitate. Help save the dignity of many helpless single girls in The Mission. Only you can prevent tragedy.

BREAKING: Gang Hideout Discovered

June 30, 2010

So there I was, stumbling down Orange Alley with Robby to my left and a can of grape Four Loko to my right, when an outcropping of these totes magical rainbow sticks appeared.  Upon closer inspection, I discovered that they were an artful attempt to throw my nose for MISH SCOOP off the scent…. NICE TRY GANG-DOODS.  We found the way into your doom-cave despite the sneakery:

Pickl Portal

I learned that the gang is called the NorCal Pickl Club (largely from the sign on the door) and they have been responsible for several instances of “Rainbow Sticking” all over the effing hood.  Robby and I were hella tripped out, especially when we snuck in for an even closer look and discovered the following:

NorCal Pickl Club Hates WHY?T People? Rude.

This is srsly so offensive. Assholez.

Against my better judgment, Robby thought we should try to gain access but we were stopped in our trax by their security system:

Retinal Scanner and Microwave All-In-One

I really wish I had known about this before moving to The Mish.  I’m not sure I’ll feel safe walking to Glooncey’s by myself anymore.

Armstrong Out.

The Mish: Hella Safe

February 6, 2010

It’s always safe to be concerned about safety in the hood; you can never be too safe for your own good. I heard someone somewhere say that The Mish wasn’t safe, p’shaahgh! Yeah, right.

The San Francisco Crime Blog has been keeping track of every person killed in San Francisco for years (I know, creepeh!) so I went to them for the straight facts. Turns out there has not been a murder in The Mish since November 2007! Look it up if you don’t believe me!

Police sketches are not needed in The Mish


So when someone tells you not to walk down a scary street like Guerrero at night, ask them “What’s the worst that could happen?” The answer: not death, that’s what!

Note: it turns out the neighboring hood to the east, Napa Valley, has not had a murder in a while either! So feel safe even if you cross over that Mish-Napa Valley line.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 171 other followers