Archive for December, 2011

Neighbors are dicks

December 13, 2011

The Elvis/Prince/Dolly house has officially burned down.  Last week there was a dangerous fire in the top flat of a building that did not contain working fire alarms.  It left two people in critical condition.  This sign was placed outside the building the day after the fire:

Hey Kids "Don't play with matches"

Pointy tongues are the worst

Levity in the face of tragedy?  Hogwash.  This sign is heartless and crude and should not be tolerated in a civilized society.  Not only that, it is just plain rude.  Downstairs neighbors, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

If you’re feeling charitable, head on over to the donation site and join the trio of donors to this very worthy cause.

wecaused.it/24thstreetfire

If you feel like the correct response is combining alcohol and smoking instead, the victims are having a benefit this week Thursday December 15th at El Rio.  The event will go until 4:30am to memorialize the two week anniversary of this fire.

WARNING!!! MISSION RAPIST ON THE LOOSE!!!

December 9, 2011

The police are after a rape suspect right here in The Mish!  I know, super scary, right?

Help us, help you, find the Mission Rapist.  OMGTHEMISH! has exclusive details:

  • Approximately 24-32 year old male
  • 5’9″ to 6’2″
  • Straight dark hair, perfectly schwooped
  • Thin frame
  • Noticeable stubble
  • Dark skinny jeans
  • Black hoodie over plaid button-up
  • Thick plastic-frame glasses/wayfarer sunglasses if it’s sunny
  • Desert/chukka boots
  • Hidden tattoos
  • Pack of American Spirits
  • Messenger bag
  • Fixed-gear bicycle with “rapemobile” decal
Here is an artist’s rendering of the culprit:

He's laughing at you, not with you.

If you see this man or a man who resembles him, point at him and scream “RAPIST!” then run to the nearest bodega and call the police. Do NOT hesitate. Help save the dignity of many helpless single girls in The Mission. Only you can prevent tragedy.

KRUA = Suck A$$ Club

December 6, 2011

Oh em gee, Mish-Fish, we are back and… WTF? There are approximately 7 jillion new restaurants blowing up the ‘hood, people with bad clothes are happier than ever, and you still can’t wear red past Cesar Chavez.

Robby and I decided to dive into some Mission mayhem this weekend, so we went to check out the new nightclub, KRUA (just a stroll away at 16th and Guerrero.) Apparently this used to be some lame-ass Thai resto, but we heard that the owners got hip to the needs of the neighbs.  They are def gunning to be the next A1A Steak Lounge.  Natch.

Image

Xanax does NOT REQUIRE SILVERWARE, PPL. ( I can't sit down in this dress ne way.)

Geared up for some srs J-Pop, I decked out in my best six inch sling-backs + tiny tube shirt-dress, picked up Mr. Aberdeen (crucial accessory) and started getting crazy sloppy on those whiskey-filled chocolate balls. (It’s XMAS BIA!) When we got to KRUA, though, I was all “Where’s the line?” For reals, people, there were approximately negative five humans in the place. Maybe has something to do with the fact that they are totes crowding the dance floor w/ weird-ass tables. (Or weird ass-tables?)  Oh and NO LIQUOR? WTF? How am I supposed to get crunk and make out with hella strangerz?

Verdict: KRUA Thai is NOT where the party is at.  Unless you are into free ice water and cracking your shins on aluminum chairs while you get your freak on.


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