Neighbors are dicks

December 13, 2011 by

The Elvis/Prince/Dolly house has officially burned down.  Last week there was a dangerous fire in the top flat of a building that did not contain working fire alarms.  It left two people in critical condition.  This sign was placed outside the building the day after the fire:

Hey Kids "Don't play with matches"

Pointy tongues are the worst

Levity in the face of tragedy?  Hogwash.  This sign is heartless and crude and should not be tolerated in a civilized society.  Not only that, it is just plain rude.  Downstairs neighbors, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

If you’re feeling charitable, head on over to the donation site and join the trio of donors to this very worthy cause.

wecaused.it/24thstreetfire

If you feel like the correct response is combining alcohol and smoking instead, the victims are having a benefit this week Thursday December 15th at El Rio.  The event will go until 4:30am to memorialize the two week anniversary of this fire.

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Posted in Whatever | 1 Comment »

WARNING!!! MISSION RAPIST ON THE LOOSE!!!

December 9, 2011 by

The police are after a rape suspect right here in The Mish!  I know, super scary, right?

Help us, help you, find the Mission Rapist.  OMGTHEMISH! has exclusive details:

  • Approximately 24-32 year old male
  • 5’9″ to 6’2″
  • Straight dark hair, perfectly schwooped
  • Thin frame
  • Noticeable stubble
  • Dark skinny jeans
  • Black hoodie over plaid button-up
  • Thick plastic-frame glasses/wayfarer sunglasses if it’s sunny
  • Desert/chukka boots
  • Hidden tattoos
  • Pack of American Spirits
  • Messenger bag
  • Fixed-gear bicycle with “rapemobile” decal
Here is an artist’s rendering of the culprit:

He's laughing at you, not with you.

If you see this man or a man who resembles him, point at him and scream “RAPIST!” then run to the nearest bodega and call the police. Do NOT hesitate. Help save the dignity of many helpless single girls in The Mission. Only you can prevent tragedy.

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Posted in Criminy Crickets | 12 Comments »

KRUA = Suck A$$ Club

December 6, 2011 by

Oh em gee, Mish-Fish, we are back and… WTF? There are approximately 7 jillion new restaurants blowing up the ‘hood, people with bad clothes are happier than ever, and you still can’t wear red past Cesar Chavez.

Robby and I decided to dive into some Mission mayhem this weekend, so we went to check out the new nightclub, KRUA (just a stroll away at 16th and Guerrero.) Apparently this used to be some lame-ass Thai resto, but we heard that the owners got hip to the needs of the neighbs.  They are def gunning to be the next A1A Steak Lounge.  Natch.

Image

Xanax does NOT REQUIRE SILVERWARE, PPL. ( I can't sit down in this dress ne way.)

Geared up for some srs J-Pop, I decked out in my best six inch sling-backs + tiny tube shirt-dress, picked up Mr. Aberdeen (crucial accessory) and started getting crazy sloppy on those whiskey-filled chocolate balls. (It’s XMAS BIA!) When we got to KRUA, though, I was all “Where’s the line?” For reals, people, there were approximately negative five humans in the place. Maybe has something to do with the fact that they are totes crowding the dance floor w/ weird-ass tables. (Or weird ass-tables?)  Oh and NO LIQUOR? WTF? How am I supposed to get crunk and make out with hella strangerz?

Verdict: KRUA Thai is NOT where the party is at.  Unless you are into free ice water and cracking your shins on aluminum chairs while you get your freak on.

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Posted in Drinkie Poo, mishteries, Uncategorized, Whatever | 1 Comment »

Cinco De Mayo Street Donuts

May 5, 2011 by

Don't worry, it's not a trick.

If you’re not enjoying the suburban tourist gang rape the neighborhood is experiencing right now, maybe head down to the 24th street BART station and enjoy some free donuts.  Compliments of somebody.

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Lips, tomatoes, vaginas, ART.

May 1, 2011 by

The text reads "A GIANT VAGINA"

This charming piece can be yours if you swing by Florida and 19th in the next half hour!

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Posted in All Types of Rad, Off the Charts Art | Leave a Comment »

Is that Latin poetry?

April 23, 2011 by

If you make it to Dolores park today, try heading down under the bridge.  There is a performance art exhibition going on all weekend.  The theme: angry Latin poetry.  This guy’s an artist.  Look for him under the fart graffiti.

Watch out for the Muni!

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Posted in All Types of Rad | Leave a Comment »

The Great Straw Debate

April 12, 2011 by

As some of you may have noticed, the St. Francis Fountain have changed their straws.  Gone are the halcyon days of the neighborhood favorite paper barbershop straws.  Instead we get plastic ones in soulless blue and clear.

Old straws: melt in your mouth

New straws: do not melt in your mouth (bad)

So maybe you can actually get through a milkshake in under 3 straws (5 if you’re wet-of-lip), but who cares?  What really matters in an establishment of this type is the old timey feel.  When I go to The Fountain, I want an experience.  I want to feel like I’m stepping into the 1950s, a whole world of nostalgia I never lived through.  This whole a plastic straw thing, that just ruins the illusion.  I think I’m not alone on this one.

What do you think, The Mish?

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Posted in mishteries, Om Nom Nom | 2 Comments »

BREAKING: FREE SHINGLES SHOTS

April 10, 2011 by

Walk-Ins Welcome.

Apparently we’ve got a bunch of do-gooders at 26th and South Van Ness.  I bet they got the syringes from the guys at Vic’s Grocery across the street.

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Looking for a place to watch the Final Four while maintaining your sense of ironic detachment? Try The Phone Booth.

April 1, 2011 by

That festival of beerdranking, debauchery and gambling is upon us.

No, not Punks V. Hipster Fight Club night.  It’s the FINAL FOUR.  Real sports fans head out to places like Kilowatt and The Phoenix to catch the end of the tourney, but what if you’re the kind of person who thinks that Butler is the school that Jeffrey from the Fresh Prince went to, or want to watch some roundball with a tall can of Tecate while wearing a shiny 70s Hoosiers jersey and a rainbow headband.  What about you?  Where can you go?

The USPS takes a liquid lunch

The place for you is The Phone Booth.  Since the 2010 Giants World Series run and historic victory for beards, The Peebs has transitioned from a place where you can ironically listen to “La Roux” and smoke cigarettes indoors to a place where you can ironically watch “The Super Bowl” or “Glee” and smoke cigarettes indoors (but not at the bar).

Much like love, watching college Basketball is a battlefield. And much like Pat Benetar, girls at the Phone Booth are not afraid of the Leotard.

These Phone-boothers bask in the blue tint of another San Jose Sharks victory.

So no matter which type of animals you like (Huskies, Rams, Tar Heels or Wildcats)  the Phone Booth is a great place to enjoy the end of March Madness and maybe wake up in a ditch afterwards.

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Social Climbers: From Pimp to Pirate

March 31, 2011 by

Last Halloween, Robby peeped some tiny pimps gracing the window display at Siegel’s Zoot-Suitery.

One little homie particularly caught our eye, due to his killer ‘stache and straight up “I don’t give a fuck” attitude.

"Life ain't nothin but bitches n money."

Well look what Bling-Stache is up to NOW:

 

“Avast. Ahoy. I’m a fucking sellout.”

This arrogant little poser thought he could ditch his Mission St. digs for THE PIRATE STORE?  Upgrade to Valencia unnoticed? Swap out his cream cruising-suit for a crisp necktie and still have an ounce of street cred?

Enjoy your bougey new setup, Bling-Stache. We’re onto you.

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Posted in Fashion Passion, mishteries, Whatever | Leave a Comment »

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